In the beginning…

The name of this blog is “for the fallen” (4thefallen). It was difficult to pick out a name,  many other names I chose had been already selected.  But this blog name makes sense in the regards that we all have fallen.  And so this is not about me as much as it is about all of us .  And so begins the tale of a life. Although this journey through life may seem boring to myself, it is because I have lived it. What I have found is, that life is not about things. It’s not about what we do, but life is about people and the relationships we build with them.  As we go through life we have acquaintances, friends, lovers and enemies and those we just don’t like.  This is to help me recover. What am I recovering from? on March 1, 2008 I had a tremendous fall as part of a skydiving maneuver. We will get to this later. However, it’s important to recognize that I fell about 500 feet and hurt my head in addition to my body, and this is referred to as brain trauma. As you wander through, there may be hyperlinks. Music is such a part of life and the memories we have of it, so the links will take you to a pleasant selection.  Music is often tied to events in our lives.

What are my earliest memories of childhood?  As I have witnessed on television, when psychologists begins to analyze the person, he often refers to their past and asked them about earliest memories. I believe they asked these questions, to familiarize themselves with what our problems might be because this is when we began our dysfunctional life. It is also a way of gaining trust and confidence. I may not know you, but I wanted you to trust that what I say is a true reflection of this life. I want you to understand that life is not about me, life is not about you, but life is about who put us here and why.

You can probably tell from the beginning of this text that I refer to religion or faith at times.  It is part of my life.  I am not proselytizing or trying to get you to believe the way I do. But it is my hope that you will look at my life and reflect upon your own and determine who you are, why you are here, and what you’ll be doing the rest of your life.  Life is all too short. In a span of time, we are but a breath.  It is said in the end, we will all stand to reckon for why we were here, what we said, what we accomplished and what we failed to do.  When I was younger, I often heard said, “Wait until you are my age  and have children of your own; life will become clearer.” Yes, it is true, and there was nothing written by those who said that phrase way back then that I was aware of, to help me make my journey.

So where do my memories begin? Folsom California, around 1965.  It was then and here that I learned to ride a tricycle and a bicycle. It was here that I learned that nudity was not appropriate in public.  It was here that I became fascinated with my dad’s work outside in the yard for ourselves and others.  I was born into the Lutheran Church. My father and mother had been Lutheran.  My first memories were of unhappiness between my parents, between them and their faith.

I was not even five yet and had run away from home already.  Of course as I recall it, my mother offered to help me pack.  Once we had packed she came to the realization that I had come into this world with nothing and therefore I should leave it with nothing and so I was sent out the door into the darkness.  I was afraid. I cried, and I returned home.  I have no doubt that looking out the door during my discovery was a parent to make sure I was safe.  Of course, this realization probably did not come until I had children of my own.  It was here in Folsom that I discovered theft. And this is the beginning of my correlation between life and the 10 Commandments.  I always assume that the 10 Commandments were rules; rules to make my life more difficult, rules to prevent me from enjoying the things I wished and desired.  But now as time has passed I realized that the 10 Commandments are divided into two functions; One to help us understand our relationship with God and two to help us understand our relationship with others.  “Thou shalt not steal.”  My grandparents on my fathers side had given me a wonderful tricycle one that was powered with a chain and the back wheels ran the motion of the trike.  Apparently it was quite a gift and the wants of others. In an attempt to recover the fleeing trike, I jumped upon t and was pushed to the ground breaking open my head. The bump is still on the back of my head and I am sure a phrenologist would delight in the knots on my head.

When I grow up, I want to be a policeman

I think they discovered I was pigeon toed about this time and put me in corrective braces as well. “Run Forest, run!”

It was also an important time in my life to recognize that weight standards are set by averages.  And so while you may have been considered overweight, and I considered underweight, it is a sampling of everyone that produces the average weight. Another fine example of this is the body temperature, 98.6.  It is apparently the average temperature of persons, I have never maintained this temperature, unless I had a fever.  The normal range of human body temperature varies due to an individuals metabolism rate, the higher (faster) it is the higher the normal body temperature or the slower the metabolic rate the lower the normal body temperature. Other factors that affect the body temperature of an individual is the time of day or the part of the body in which the temperature is measured at. The body temperature is lower in the morning, due to the rest the body received, and higher at night after a day of muscular activity and after food intake.  I assume that my calm demeanor now was a result of my metabolism then. I understand that in 1965 the information was not well distributed.  So, why do I point this out in a blog about my life? . You should not feel guilty about your weight. As long as you are happy, ignore the critics. “You’ve gotta die of something.”  Now it is true that others view your weight and you will make decisions based on who they you are and whether they’re attracted to you or not not based their prejudice.  You may make decisions to change your appearance based on the opinion of others.  And this is where you need to realize that it’s not about the things we do, but the people we know.  Not all people are worth knowing. You cannot judge a book by its cover.  Of course some of us are shallow, and we desire to have a book with the pretty cover and end up with blank contents or something we just don’t desire to read. Thank television and print publications for not displaying the average person, but the “perfect” person. We should take care of what we are given, but looking back over the years,everyone has been guilty of one of the seven deadly sins mentioned by Dante.

Back to Folsom California.  It was about this time that I, a mean independent little cuss, a true image of my father, took my tricycle and rode it all the way to the A&W restaurant to order french fries and a root-beer.  Not long after the young lady took my order, it was discovered that I did not have a concept of money, had no parents nearby and was not going to pay.  Because the young lady working there was concern that I was there without a parent and across the street from the main entrance to the Folsom City Prison, the police were called.  I remember the black-and-white cruiser from Mayberry RFD with the red bubble up on the top. I recall Andy Griffith being a calm and polite policeman.  This is my memory of the Folsom city police.  I was directed to ride my trike in front of the officer and return to my home.  It was soon discovered that I lived much further away than was anticipated and my tricycle was put in the trunk of the police car and I in the backseat. This was my first ride in a police car.  When I arrived home and my mother was chastised by the police officer for not monitoring my whereabouts, I was beat.  Now being a father myself and understanding anger, I fully understand that a child should not be punished when you are angry. First let me clearly state I was not an abused child.  I recall different devices of implementing the punishment, usually on my behind. There was a hairbrush and a ping-pong paddle and the belt. And these instruments were used to prevent my mother from hurting her hand and to remind me that my conduct had been unacceptable.  Yes there were times when I would walk away from the punishment bruised, but I do not think it was the intention but the result of anger.

I remember my father taking me to the top of the hill at a nearby church, allowing me to learn to ride my bicycle. Down the hill I went, the speed high enough to keep me from falling. But falling I did.  And so it was early in life that I began to understand that we fall.  I already fallen off my trike and then had fallen off my bike.  As school year’s approached, I would be pushed down by bullies. And then I would do silly things, like those things that I did in the California jumping from the roof of my house into a pile of raked leaves.  I also recall riding my two wheeled bicycle without training wheels as best I could up the home made ramps to jump over bowling pins and bottles.  Sometimes we fall, and sometimes there is someone there to pick us up. Sometimes we need to get up, brush ourselves off and continue the journey.  The question is not, ‘will you fall?’, the question is when?  It is not an issue of gravity so much as it is a law of nature itself.  Man has fallen from grace of God.  Adam and Eve chose to make decisions themselves, and bypass the protection of God. In the garden there was a tree and partaking of its fruit would open the mind to all things good and evil.  God had attempted to protect ourtheir lives by saying don’t eat from the fruit of this tree, “for when you eat of it, that day you will surely die.”  And so we see that falling is directly related to death. It is all about choice; choices that we make determine how our life will be remembered.  I see that clearly now.

My introduction to school was kindergarten.  It was here that I met Smokey the Bear, learned about snails and hamsters, mice and laughter, and the kindness of women outside my home.  Yes it is here that began to realize that girls are what I wanted in my life.  As I gazed upon them. They were lovely, and they were kind, different from the boys I knew, and the men who spoke roughly.  In our society most of the teachers are women.  They mold us and make us and we learn from them.  I once read a button that said,” if being a mother was easy, any man could do it.”  To that, if being a teacher was easy, everyone would be one.

The next installment of my life will be titled “Stuck in Lodi again.” Oh Lord, perhaps you remember that song. My first memories of good music are Creedence Clearwater Revival.